"Two great nations divided by a common tongue" was how George Bernard Shaw referred to the UK and the USA, but it could equally apply to Australia, New Zealand, or anywhere else in the English-speaking world. Just because we all speak English doesn't mean we can always understand each other, and sometimes we might as well be speaking completely different languages. What is referred to as "the Queen's English" or "BBC English" is pretty universally understood, but very few ordinary people actually speak like that. There is so much variation in local accent, dialect and idioms that a visitor would find a phrase-book useful! In addition, there is that interesting selection of words which have completely different meanings on opposite sides of the Atlantic and can cause so much confusion and embarassment.

There are so many diverse aspects of everyday English that I propose to cover only a few main areas : "pet names" (terms of endearment); UK/US homonyms (same word, different meaning); Cockney rhyming slang , regional accents and common idioms.

"TERMS OF ENDEARMENT." If you are woman and a spotty-faced youth barely old enough to shave serves you in a shop and calls you "love" don't worry, you aren't being propositioned, he is just being friendly. If you are a man, he may well call you "mate," "guv" or "squire" depending on where in the British Isles you actually are. Women can address men and women equally by whatever the local variant is, whereas men will have gender-specific terms (NO way would he call another man "love!") There are many regional "terms of endearment" and I have tried to discover as many as I can - I will add to this table as and when I get information :

Region/county	Term - female	Term - male
Yorkshire	love (pronounced luv)	mate
Lancashire	chuck	?
Derby	me duck (pron. miduck)	?
Nottingham	duck	?
Birmingham	bab	kid
Tyneside	hinny, hin	pal
Scotland (Glasgow)	hen, pet	Jimmy(?)
Scotland (Inverness)	wifie (to married women)	?
West Sussex / Hampshire	m'dear, me luvverrrr	?

....and one rather plaintive message from a friend in London when asked for local terms:
"In London we don't get called anything like that. If you are spoken to at all - sometimes a shop assistant will just look at you and say "yes" - it could well be just a "can I help you?" Londoners always seem to be rushing about so don't make time to address people properly. We must seem very "cold" to people from the north."

It might well be so - nearly all of the examples above are from "north of Watford." DO YOU KNOW ANY DIFFERENT? ARE Southerners colder than us warm-hearted, salt-of-the-earth Northerners? Contact me if you want to redress the balance!

DANGER!! Confusion nearby! There are REAL pitfalls in the differences between English English and American English : if a man pats a girl on the "fanny" in the USA she may well slap his face - in the UK she'll have him arrested! Walking in the middle of the "pavement" in the UK is perfectly sensible but likely to put you in hospital in the USA, and English schoolkids are ALWAYS borrowing each other's "rubbers" and can't understand why their American cousins find the concept so hilariously funny!

Apart from these differences in the meanings of words, there is the other group of words where it really IS a different language : we don't have faucets, for instance - we get our water out of the much simpler tap, and we wouldn't know where to start with a rutabaga but we can all cook swedes!

A BRIEF ENGLISH-AMERICAN DICTIONARY
.	English meaning	American meaning
fanny	female genitalia	bottom, bum, posterior
pavement	path at the side of the road = sidewalk	hard surface of the road, tarmac, carriageway
rubber	eraser, substance tyres are made of	condom
vest	undergarment to keep the chest warm	overgarment to keep the chest warm = waistcoat
jumper	woollen overgarment for the chest = pullover = sweater	women's full-length overgarment = pinafore dress
pants	underwear = knickers	outerwear = trousers
knickers	women's underwear	short trousers
suspenders	things for holding up women's stockings	things for holding up trousers = braces
elevator	a gadget in a shoe to make the wearer appear taller = lift	device for travelling up and down tall buildings = lift
yard	small paved area behind house	grassed and cultivated area around the house = garden
garden	grassed and cultivated area around the house = yard	separate area for growing vegetables etc. = allotment
cider	alcoholic drink made from fermented apples	non-alcoholic drink made from apples = appleade
lemonade	fizzy drink flavoured with lemons	still drink made with lemons
jelly	cold fruit pudding made with gelatine	fruit preserve = jam
first floor	floor above street level	floor at street level
inside lane	traffic lane nearest the side of the road	traffic lane nearest the centre of the road

There is an excellent website with an American view on what they call Britspeak with LOTS more of these "problem words!"

COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG
There are lots of misconceptions about Cockney rhyming slang : first and foremost, not every Londoner is a Cockney - to qualify for that title, you MUST have been born within the sound of Bow Bells - the church of St. Mary-le-Bow in Cheapside in the inner City of London.

"I've just been on the dog and bone to ask my old china plate if he's going to the rub-a-dub-dub with me and the trouble and strife to get Brahms and Liszt." Sorry, NOBODY speaks like that except in very poor B-movies of non-English origin (a bit like Dick Van Dyke playing a Cockney in Mary Poppins!) For a start, it's most unusual for the whole slang phrase to be used : the sentence above would more likely be "I've just been on the dog to ask me old china if he's going down the rubba with me and the trouble to get Brahms." Curiouser and curiouser. There is a complete and comprehensive dictionary of Cockney rhyming slang here, including some I have my doubts about, but a brief translation of some of the phrases you might still hear used follows below:

word	full phrase	translation
dog	dog and bone	telephone
china	china plate	mate (friend)
rubba	rub-a-dub-dub	pub
trouble	trouble and strife	wife
Brahms	Brahms and Liszt	pissed (drunk)
titfer	tit-for-tat	hat
whistle	whistle and flute	suit
daisys	daisy roots	boots
apples	apples and pears	stairs
frog	frog and toad	road
minces	mince pies	eyes
boat	boat race	face
.	north and south	mouth
Barnet	Barnet Fair	hair
butchers	butcher's hook	look
scarper	Scapa Flow	go (run away)
rabbit	rabbit and pork	talk
boracic	boracic lint	skint (broke, penniless)

COMMON IDIOMS
The English language is full of idiomatic expressions. These are often very regional in origins, but universal TV and the fact that most programmes are networked nation-wide has led to wider usage of the commoner expressions. There are excellent resources on Slang Street and in the Dictionary of slang but as they are not entirely confined to ENGLISH English, I will reproduce some of the commoner expressions you might hear in the British Isles.

Please note : this site is graded as suitable for all ages so I will have to omit some of the more "colourful" expressions which are actually among the most frequently heard idioms.

Who are you calling stupid? People get upset if you call them "stupid" to their face, so there are many roundabout ways of saying it:

Thick as two short planks Dim as a Toc-H lamp* Daft as a brush As useful as a nine-bob note** Two sandwiches short of a picnic Tuppence short of a shilling*** If brains were gunpowder he couldn't blow his hat off The lights are on but there's nobody at home Lights? He doesn't even know where the switch is! Lights? There isn't even a bulb in the socket! The lift doesn't reach the top floor There's plenty of space in the attic He's got a few slates missing Not playing with a full deck Trying to knit fog Couldn't organise a booze-up in a brewery Off his trolley As much use as a chocolate fireguard

*Toc-H is a charity whose symbol is an "Aladdin" type of oil lamp with a small flame - VERY dim!
**"Bob" is slang for a shilling, a pre-decimal coin worth 5p in "new money." Notes used to be in values of £5, £1 and ten shillings - hence the non-existent nine-bob note would be of no use at all.
***The shilling was eqivalent to twelve pence, and tuppence means two pence, so....

N.B. Any sexism in the above listings is entirely coincidental - it saves the cumbersome s/he and his/her conventions, and anyway, if the cap fits..........

I'm not as think as you drunk I am...Like to bet? You are probably

Drunk as a lord (as opposed to sober as a judge?) Slightly merry* A bit tiddly* Somewhat the worse for wear* Squiffy Kaylied (not sure how you actually spell that one) Banjaxed Tight Fuddled (or befuddled) Plastered Blotto Had one over the eight Smashed Sloshed Had a skinful All tanked up Tired and emotional**

All those phrases marked * demonstrate the British capacity for understatement: they all mean DRUNK!! - and if you are THAT drunk you will very likely end up

Calling for Hughie Yodelling down the big white telephone Driving the big white bus Creating a technicolour yawn

Or, given the average British drinker's strange after-drinking habits, once the pubs are closed you will go off to buy yourself a Chicken Vindaloo or a Doner Kebab!

**"Tired and emotional" was a noted MP's excuse when brought before the Bench for being (in the arresting policemen's view) drunk and incapable......

I see what you mean.... some colourful descriptive expressions used when talking about a third party "behind their back" - I wouldn't advise using them to their face!

All fur coat and no knickers Done up like a dog's dinner All dolled up with nowhere to go Who does she think she is? Lady Muck? Common as muck All mouth and trousers Needs to put his money where his mouth is Looks like something the cat dragged in Looks like death warmed up She's got a face like a smacked bum He's got a face like a bag of spanners Somebody hit him with the Ugly Stick He's not backward at coming forward

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